I know how hard it is for kids with divorced parents since my closest cousin experienced it herself. She was 8 when her parents decided to live separately and the next year they decided to get divorced.

At first, it was hard for her to cope with the fact. We lived nearby and went to the same school so we became best friends and she told me all her misery about the divorce.

But then, as she grew older, she finally could cope with it. And, I believe her parents did everything to make her comfortable with the condition.

If you happen to go through a divorce, try to be like my aunt and uncle.

Here are some simple things divorced parents can do to have happy children:

1. Try to appreciate and support your children’s relationship with the other parent. Basically children need both parents, so monopoly is not the game you should play. By having a good relationship with both parents, your children will grow best.
2. Explain what exactly is going on. Depend on the age, try to give them an explanation. This is to avoid unnecessary thought that they are the cause of the divorce. Kids sometimes keep this thought to themselves and it might give bad influence to their emotional development.
3. Explain that nothing changes but the fact that their parents are not together anymore. The rest, such as rules and consequences remain the same. This is to avoid confusedness on the children’s lifestyle.
4. Show them that you care so much about them, that you love them more than anything. It pleases them to know that divorce doesn’t mean that you both stop loving them.
5. Try to be friends. It might be hard for some ex-couples but if you can do it, it is good for the child. Seeing you getting along well eases them in dealing with the divorce. If they can see that divorce gives a good impact in your lives and theirs, they will accept it without difficulty.
6. Make no arguments on past behavior, especially in front of the kids. Just forget whatever happened between the two of you. And, forgive your ex-spouse for whatever role he/she played in the divorce.
7. Share the parenting responsibility with the other parent. Being divorced doesn’t mean you are the only one raising your children. He/she is as responsible. Sometimes, it is not easy but try your best, for your children, for it is important in their development process.
8. Make an agreement on how you both are going to spend the time with the children. Create an effective schedule in the early separation, and stick to it. Consistency is necessary.
9. Encourage the children to express their feelings. Kids are often worried, petrified and outraged when parents get a divorce. Help them to get them out in the open. Or if they get totally upset and wouldn’t share it with you, propose to talk about it to a counselor.
10. Don’t spend extra money for your kids just because you’re feeling guilty. Discuss your new financial situation with them and be honest. This won’t make them love you any less. Explain that you need to save more in order to pay for their education and other essentials. Remember, no need to spoil them out of your guilt.
11. Be reliable. In the new family situation, your children really rely on you to make them feel secure again, just like when bother their parents were together. Make sure they know that no matter what, they remain your highest priority.
12. Do not use your children’s shoulder to cry on. It is hard what you’re going through but don’t share it with them. Get yourself a support group to help you through this period. Or you can share your feelings with relatives, friends and professionals. They can help you mourn and get yourself back from the broken marriage.
13. Take a good care of yourself. Divorce is not an easy situation. It might hit hard on your self-esteem. Find any ways possible to get your self-worth back. Take some time to provide for your own emotional needs. The children don’t need a broken-to-pieces parent. They require you to be strong. Therefore, do all you need to be the parent your children expect to be.

Going through a divorce is not easy. Yet, it is not the end of your world. It might be a lovely beginning.

This entry was posted on Thursday, July 19th, 2007 at 1:13 am and is filed under Parenting(t) , Marriage and Relationship(t) , Baby Toddler Child Teen(t) . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

I know how hard it is for kids with divorced parents since my closest cousin experienced it herself. She was 8 when her parents decided to live separately and the next year they decided to get divorced.

At first, it was hard for her to cope with the fact. We lived nearby and went to the same school so we became best friends and she told me all her misery about the divorce.

But then, as she grew older, she finally could cope with it. And, I believe her parents did everything to make her comfortable with the condition.

If you happen to go through a divorce, try to be like my aunt and uncle.

Here are some simple things divorced parents can do to have happy children:

1. Try to appreciate and support your children’s relationship with the other parent. Basically children need both parents, so monopoly is not the game you should play. By having a good relationship with both parents, your children will grow best.
2. Explain what exactly is going on. Depend on the age, try to give them an explanation. This is to avoid unnecessary thought that they are the cause of the divorce. Kids sometimes keep this thought to themselves and it might give bad influence to their emotional development.
3. Explain that nothing changes but the fact that their parents are not together anymore. The rest, such as rules and consequences remain the same. This is to avoid confusedness on the children’s lifestyle.
4. Show them that you care so much about them, that you love them more than anything. It pleases them to know that divorce doesn’t mean that you both stop loving them.
5. Try to be friends. It might be hard for some ex-couples but if you can do it, it is good for the child. Seeing you getting along well eases them in dealing with the divorce. If they can see that divorce gives a good impact in your lives and theirs, they will accept it without difficulty.
6. Make no arguments on past behavior, especially in front of the kids. Just forget whatever happened between the two of you. And, forgive your ex-spouse for whatever role he/she played in the divorce.
7. Share the parenting responsibility with the other parent. Being divorced doesn’t mean you are the only one raising your children. He/she is as responsible. Sometimes, it is not easy but try your best, for your children, for it is important in their development process.
8. Make an agreement on how you both are going to spend the time with the children. Create an effective schedule in the early separation, and stick to it. Consistency is necessary.
9. Encourage the children to express their feelings. Kids are often worried, petrified and outraged when parents get a divorce. Help them to get them out in the open. Or if they get totally upset and wouldn’t share it with you, propose to talk about it to a counselor.
10. Don’t spend extra money for your kids just because you’re feeling guilty. Discuss your new financial situation with them and be honest. This won’t make them love you any less. Explain that you need to save more in order to pay for their education and other essentials. Remember, no need to spoil them out of your guilt.
11. Be reliable. In the new family situation, your children really rely on you to make them feel secure again, just like when bother their parents were together. Make sure they know that no matter what, they remain your highest priority.
12. Do not use your children’s shoulder to cry on. It is hard what you’re going through but don’t share it with them. Get yourself a support group to help you through this period. Or you can share your feelings with relatives, friends and professionals. They can help you mourn and get yourself back from the broken marriage.
13. Take a good care of yourself. Divorce is not an easy situation. It might hit hard on your self-esteem. Find any ways possible to get your self-worth back. Take some time to provide for your own emotional needs. The children don’t need a broken-to-pieces parent. They require you to be strong. Therefore, do all you need to be the parent your children expect to be.

Going through a divorce is not easy. Yet, it is not the end of your world. It might be a lovely beginning.

This entry was posted on Thursday, July 19th, 2007 at 1:13 am and is filed under Parenting(t) , Marriage and Relationship(t) , Baby Toddler Child Teen(t) . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.