Bill X asked:

I’ve heard that general family counselors can do more harm than good when it comes to advising people on their step parenting issues. You need a specialist, is what I was told.
So, what are the unique challenges of a step parent dealing with a step child? What are the most important issues to look out for? I’ve heard that sometime the step parent just has to put up with being disrespected. They should just suck it up and let the bio parent deal with it. What say you all?
I forgot to say that the bio-mom is dead.
And the 3 kids are 14, 16, 17 yrs old.

Lacey G asked:

I’m interested in getting a child’s perspective on this.

If, as a child, you grew up with a step parent, what would be your list of “do’s” and “don’ts for a new step parent?

fatty_cholesterol asked:

I have been with my bf for about a year now and i interact with his two daughters, aged 9 and 5, like a step parent would (i assume). In a nutshell, life is like this: My bf has two worlds. One is of him with his kids. The other is of him with me. The world with his kids is bigger and more important than the world with me and i fear that the two worlds will never be intertwined the way that i’d hoped they would be. When his kids are around, it’s like i’m a third wheel that doesn’t really matter and he says it’s “because they are kids and they demand all of the attention.” I know that i am the adult and i should just deal with it, but i don’t know how. I want this relationship to work out. Any insight, from people who have been in this kind of a position or step-parents who are never number one, is much appreciated. How do you deal with never being number one? What makes it okay for you?
Thank-you to those who think i’m being totally immature and that the relationship won’t work out. It proves that you are not actually reading my question and comprehending what i am saying and asking for. As for the step-parent thing, my bf talks about marriage with me, so it’s a good possibility i’ll be a step-mom in the future. I need to figure out how to deal with not being number one and being “jealous” of the time he spends with his kids. Its not immaturity on my part, it’s a realization that i won’t be number one and that i need to figure out how to deal with it. Don’t be so judgemental. I’m admitting i have a problem and i’m looking for some help with it. You don’t need to kick me when i’m down because i can’t figure out how to deal with this by myself. For those of you with encouraging words, thank you

Hoosier Mom asked:

14 mo. old boy (mine), step-mom to 6, 9, and 13 year old boys - bio Mom *very* angry at my husby, who used to be her husby. Kids have ADHD, oldest Asperger’s, very difficult to deal with and worse since divorce and her recent (about six months give or take) decision to not supervise and/or discipline boys, though we all love boys dearly. No hope of getting physical custody at moment, though may be over time. Any advice on how to get through this stressful time with the boys, my husby, and myself, while still keeping sane? Already doing the usual - not saying anything bad about bio Mom, showing and telling boys we love them, spending as much time as possible with boys, doing something about bio Mom where we can and hoping time will take care of what we can’t control at moment. Husby and I agree on discipline and are about 50/50 with it, which boys accept well, but still lots of problems including concerns about bio Mom, and lots of tantrums, lying and stealing by boys.

Emme asked:

70% of the time when someone has a step child who is: disrespectful, a liar, and/or mean-spirited the step mom is advised to” earn their respect”/“realize that U must never discipline them, your job is only to love them as if they were your own” EVEN with teenaged kids/20-something kids. 2ndly I don’t want to play shrink 4 any kids. If they’re being a**holes why do I have to view it as “probable issues from the bad divorce of their parents.”ppl don’t say that when their collegue/sales rep/waiter, etc is being a jerk. “the rep probably had to endure her folk’s divorce so I just need to love her.” Age 13+ shouldn’t they get their “act like a louse b/c Ur folks broke up” card revoked? If a step mom said to U, “My spouse assured me that he had respectful children & that he was a stern but fair parent. They R not & he allows them to walk all over him and me therefore he can take his coddled brats and jump ‘cause I don’t have time for it!” Wld U understand her or think she was a b i t c h?
Sharon other than talking on the phone a few times, no I didn’t. They were in Canada with their mother when we married. Now the mother has remarried and wanted my husband to take full custody “for a few years” which he has.

joeltonya asked:

I’m the step-parent of a 10 year old girl since she was 3. We have a wonderful relationship, but her relationship with her mom is not that great - I think it’s because they are so much alike. Does anyone have any websites/chat forums for step-parents that I could try to bounce some ideas on?

Darcy T asked:

I have been a step-parent for 10 years. My daughter is 14. She is a pretty typical teen, I think… I have been lucky to never have heard the “Youre not my mom” thing. I think my question is really with my husband. Where are my boundries on what to take care of and what not with regards to her chores, allowance, discipline, etc. I said no to a cell phone, husband got her one and said the minute the bill was over what it should be, that was it. Well I just got a 256 dollar phone bill and a million excuses. This is just one example. I guess I’m feeling unappreciated. I work, clean the house, do all the shopping and bill paying. I also developed her chore list which is so minimal, it’s comical. She gets 14 dollars a week which this last month it’s going toward the phone bill. But then we are “hit up” again and again for more stuff and money. The exwife who gets child support (925 a month) pays for nothing. The 14 year old is the only child.

SleeplessSuz asked:

Why is it so hard? And how to make it easier. I have a 12 year old stepdaughter who I’ve known since she was 6. She lives with us and visits her mom every other weekend. Her dad was in Iraq for a year and I cared for her during that time. This has killed our relationship, with me having to make and enforce rules. Even though her Dad is home now, my relationship with my step daughter just seems to have so much resentment. How can it be repaired?