Insparenting

Are you ready for your wedding? Have you acquired the perfect ring as your wedding ring?

Wedding ring is a ring that is given in a wedding ceremony and symbolize of life time commitment and fidelity. Thus, if we are to be married, we will want a special wedding ring with material and style that will also last a life time.

The most special thing in a wedding is of course in our heart. That is why most people tend to choose plain gold band for the pattern of their wedding rings. However, there are also other wedding ring patterns that contain several symbols. In France and French-speaking countries, a common pattern consists of three interwoven rings that stand for faith, hope, and love. Another popular one is Celtic wedding bands.

Celtic wedding bands will often be engraved or embossed with a Celtic knot design, which is meant to symbolize oneness and continuity, dating back from the 1^st century BC. One of the most famous Celtic wedding rings is Claddagh ring that features two hands (friendship) clasping a heart (love), and usually surmounted by a crown (loyalty).

Whichever you choose for your wedding ring, the important message is that wedding ring is a symbol of your commitment and love and loyalty. It doesn’t have to be extravagant, but it needs to be meaningful.

Let’s admit it. When we have marriage for so many years, some things tend to happen, from just simple things like boredom, stubborn spouse, lack appreciation, poor communication, to the worse things like infidelity, emotional neglect and abuse, separation, midlife crisis, and still so many more. I’m sure that most marriage, including ours, in some degree, has its ups and downs. Unfortunately, for some marriage, some of its downs lead to bigger problems.

In the last couple of years, I heard that there were three or four of my friends that got divorced. And, when I got together with my friends, some of my other friends always complained that they were a bit tired with their marriage, whether it was out of boredom, emotional neglect, no sex, or even lack of communication. It is quite depressing, really!

Actually, when we feel that our marriage face a certain degree of problems, marriage family counselor might be a good idea. At least, think about the children! Why wait for things to get worse if we can have consultation when we are still talking to our spouses. If we don’t feel like going to one of those traditional marriage counseling, there is a good alternative called marriage retreat. Marriage retreat is basically a 7-week, closed-door, at-home (we don’t have to go anywhere), “private” relationship make-over program that uses a results-proven step-by-step relationship changing system to shift the momentum of your marriage and restore intimacy between you.

I think that alternative of marriage family counseling is a very good idea. That way, we can find out what’s wrong with our relationship and improve it without the telling and fighting in front of some people we don’t even know.

• “A divorce is like an amputation: you survive it, but there’s less of you.” (Margaret Atwood - Canadian Writer)
• “The worst reconciliation is better than the best divorce.” (Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra - Spanish writer)
• “Mom hates dad, Dad hates mom, it all makes you feel so sad.” (Kurt Cobain - American Musician and Singer)

What do you say?

When I was teenager, I couldn’t wait for my 18th birthday. Dad promised me to have my own place after the birthday.

And the day came. Mom was a bit reluctant. But Dad wanted me to be independent. Me, too.

The first day in this new place, I was jumping all around the place (it’s a small apartment belonged to Dad). The second day, I took the whole day to rest and relax. The third day, I was starving.

I was embarrassed to call Mom and ask her what she had for lunch. But…there was no other way. I had to do it anyway. I forgot to take some money from my personal bank account (Dad gave it to me as a birthday gift), therefore I couldn’t shop or buy food.

So, I called Mom. And guess what…she was crying hearing my voice and we ended up crying together. I realized that I missed her so much.

Yes, that sounds silly and I’m not supposed to tell about it here. But, I really want you and of course me to remember that no matter what, no matter where your children go, their heart is with you. Whatever I went through in my life, there is always family. I started with them and will end with them, too, I hope.

I know how hard it is for kids with divorced parents since my closest cousin experienced it herself. She was 8 when her parents decided to live separately and the next year they decided to get divorced.

At first, it was hard for her to cope with the fact. We lived nearby and went to the same school so we became best friends and she told me all her misery about the divorce.

But then, as she grew older, she finally could cope with it. And, I believe her parents did everything to make her comfortable with the condition.

If you happen to go through a divorce, try to be like my aunt and uncle.

Here are some simple things divorced parents can do to have happy children:

1. Try to appreciate and support your children’s relationship with the other parent. Basically children need both parents, so monopoly is not the game you should play. By having a good relationship with both parents, your children will grow best.
2. Explain what exactly is going on. Depend on the age, try to give them an explanation. This is to avoid unnecessary thought that they are the cause of the divorce. Kids sometimes keep this thought to themselves and it might give bad influence to their emotional development.
3. Explain that nothing changes but the fact that their parents are not together anymore. The rest, such as rules and consequences remain the same. This is to avoid confusedness on the children’s lifestyle.
4. Show them that you care so much about them, that you love them more than anything. It pleases them to know that divorce doesn’t mean that you both stop loving them.
5. Try to be friends. It might be hard for some ex-couples but if you can do it, it is good for the child. Seeing you getting along well eases them in dealing with the divorce. If they can see that divorce gives a good impact in your lives and theirs, they will accept it without difficulty.
6. Make no arguments on past behavior, especially in front of the kids. Just forget whatever happened between the two of you. And, forgive your ex-spouse for whatever role he/she played in the divorce.
7. Share the parenting responsibility with the other parent. Being divorced doesn’t mean you are the only one raising your children. He/she is as responsible. Sometimes, it is not easy but try your best, for your children, for it is important in their development process.
8. Make an agreement on how you both are going to spend the time with the children. Create an effective schedule in the early separation, and stick to it. Consistency is necessary.
9. Encourage the children to express their feelings. Kids are often worried, petrified and outraged when parents get a divorce. Help them to get them out in the open. Or if they get totally upset and wouldn’t share it with you, propose to talk about it to a counselor.
10. Don’t spend extra money for your kids just because you’re feeling guilty. Discuss your new financial situation with them and be honest. This won’t make them love you any less. Explain that you need to save more in order to pay for their education and other essentials. Remember, no need to spoil them out of your guilt.
11. Be reliable. In the new family situation, your children really rely on you to make them feel secure again, just like when bother their parents were together. Make sure they know that no matter what, they remain your highest priority.
12. Do not use your children’s shoulder to cry on. It is hard what you’re going through but don’t share it with them. Get yourself a support group to help you through this period. Or you can share your feelings with relatives, friends and professionals. They can help you mourn and get yourself back from the broken marriage.
13. Take a good care of yourself. Divorce is not an easy situation. It might hit hard on your self-esteem. Find any ways possible to get your self-worth back. Take some time to provide for your own emotional needs. The children don’t need a broken-to-pieces parent. They require you to be strong. Therefore, do all you need to be the parent your children expect to be.

Going through a divorce is not easy. Yet, it is not the end of your world. It might be a lovely beginning.

Tell me, is your hubby’s favorite meal the same with your children’s?

In my case, no, it’s not.
So, I have to be creative enough to make everyone happy.

But then, most of the time, I cook my children’s favorite meal instead of my husband’s. Because, children can be so difficult when it comes to food. And, my husband is not such a demanding man.

But, today, I think I’ll make anything he loves to eat. Both kids are in their Grandma’s. Mom said she wanted to have a grandma-grandpa-grandchildren day. Whatever she names it, I don’t care.

Now, I have the whole day with my dear hubby and I’ll make his stomach full!